my story

Left: Junior year tipping the scales over 210 lbs. Right:2012 reaching my goal weight of 130

I am not a health nut, and I am definitely not an athlete. I am just an average mid-west girl who has learned the hard way of the importance of a balanced healthy lifestyle spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

I was very blessed to grow up in a loving Christian home. However, in my pre-teen years, I got involved with the wrong type of people. Long story short, I had some very scarring and traumatic things happened to me. I knew it was wrong as this was happening, but I was too scared to share it with anyone.

Going through that at such an early age without ever dealing with the emotions or without telling anyone, it was embedded in my mind that I was worthless, and it left some serious emotional scars. I had a strong fear of men, which grew after every negative encounter. I slowly began to spiral down, and began hating myself, and hating others out of fear. I became anxious, paranoid, and depressed. I became very sick that year out of fear and anxiety. In high school I continued to spiral down into a deep depression to the point that somedays, I couldn't make myself get out of bed. I missed over half of my high school career, and spent most days in bed. I began "eating" my feelings, and was comforted by food. I gained 50lbs within a few months, and continued to pile on the pounds year after year.

In high school, I had lost all hope. I attempted suicide twice. The second time, I ended up being admitted to the child's psychiatric hospital. I was released from the hospital with hopes to get better. However, It seems I had to get worse before getting better. I began to struggle with self-harm, and tried to fill the voids in my life through unhealthy and even harmful relationships. When I would get hurt in a relationship, I reverted to holding bitterness against others out of fear and hatred. I didn't know it then, but I see now how God was protecting me during this whole time, even though I felt as if he had abandoned me.

I began college in 2006, carrying all of this hidden baggage in with me. God truly blessed me by surrounding me with amazing Christian influences. My Junior year of college I sat in class when the topic of respecting men arose unplanned and unscheduled by the professor. This began a multiple week study on the subject. I went to every class with my bitter attitude, believing I didn't have to respect men, because I have been disrespected by them. I sat in my room, reading over scripture for the class when I read Ephesians 4:31-32 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." I broke down as God began peeling back the layers of my sin. Through God's grace, He helped me deal with my spiritual sickness through opening my eyes to my sins of bitterness, hatred, and fear, and helped me realize that no matter what was done to me, I have no right to victimize or pity myself. If God can forgive me for all of my sin, He can give me the strength to forgive others.  God then began working in my life to health my emotional and mental sickness. It was a very difficult and long process, and it was not always pretty. But praise God, I can say that 4 years later by His grace I have overcome my depression and my addiction to self-harm.

After God began to heal me from my spritual, emotional, and mental illness, I began to focus on my physical health. Now, I was that girl who detested working out, or even breaking a sweat for any reason. I hated running, I avoided stairs, and every time my friends went to the gym, I found an excuse not to go. When I was dating my husband (who is now an assistant cross country/track coach at our alma mata), I thought I would give it a try. I began running after graduating college, and I realized on thing....I am horrible at running. Yet, overtime as I worked hard to build up my stamina, I have learned to love it.  I will never be very fast, but I love how running is always an inner struggle with yourself, and the joy of winning the mental battle!

It has taken 6 years since my weight loss journey began, and I have reached my goal weight. I enjoy living a healthy and balanced lifestyle--but I also enjoy a piece of cheesecake from time to time :)