the root of it all

When I was gaining weight, I don't think I fully realized what was happening to me. I remember looking at some pictures after a birthday party--and I couldn't recognize myself in the pictures. It's crazy how we can put a veil over our eyes so we ignore our problems.


In the same way, I had a veil over my eyes covering the root of all my issues. As I had mentioned before, I had some serious emotional scars from early in life, which began the spiral downward into serious anxiety issues, and eventually severe depression, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, and self harm. I would always justify my problems by victimizing myself and saying, "I was hurt by others," or, "I can't control my past, which made me who I am." I also gave excuses like, "I'm chemically imbalanced--I have no control over this," or, "The medication and treatment is making me gain weight." I gave all of the control of the situation to my past and to outside influences and made myself the victim.

This tactic worked for a while. I blamed everything and everyone else for my issues. I went to doctors, and got a pill that was suppose to fix my chemical imbalance and make everything better. I realized that the pills worked for a quick spell, then stopped. For years, I went from pill to pill to pill trying to find one to "fix" my emotional and mental problems. Nothing worked--I kept declining, and kept spiraling out of control.

Throughout this whole situation, I had family and friends praying for me. I know it was through their prayers that Christ unveiled my eyes to the real issue...I was deep in sin. It isn't the sin that we may usually think of--but it was sin. I was anxious about everything (Matthew 6:25-34),  I hated myself, and hated others (Matthew 5:44). I was deceitful, and was caught up in lies. I was completely selfish, and wanted everyone to focus on me and my needs. I idolized food, and put things and people before God. I tried to fill the voids in my life with friends and significant others (Matthew 6:24). I found my worth in what was said of me, what I looked like, and who loved me. I continually dishonored my parents. I was hurting my body, purposely and inadvertently (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Sin....sin......sin.....

This revelation was a process--it was not quite a Paul on the road to Damascus experience. Over time, Christ brought people in my life who--without knowing--showed me that my issues was not my past, my chemical imbalance, or my meds. It is was my sin. Slowly, Christ revealed how much I needed him and his forgiveness and guidance in all these areas of my life.

My emotional, mental, and physical issues all stemmed off of my sin issue. It wasn't until I met my spiritual sickness and dealt with it that I could work on my other illnesses. I realized that as I was being changed and made new in Christ, that my emotional/mental issues began to improve, too.

I have spoken to a lot of other people who have or are dealing with either serious mental/emotional, or weight issues. Many who have overcome these issues had to come to the realization that there is a spiritual side to these battles that must be dealt with--or else all other remedies are just bandaids over the problem.

I hope to hear others' thoughts on this subject...how big of a role does "spiritual sickness" play in mental/emotional and physical issues?

:::Angie:::